Dools weighs in…

The second GWS/ Swans derby was played and predictably Sydney were comfortable winners. The way Sydney are playing this is going to be the case for at least two more seasons which is why until then we need to spice up the local derby, I have some ideas.

Utilise Kevin Sheedy

Nobody promotes football better than Kevin Sheedy. I think that we all agree on that, but only using him in press conferences and as a coach is not seeing his full potential being realised. There is no one more confusing than Kevin Sheedy, during the derby, Kevin is allowed to address one Swans player for three minutes at a moment in the game of Kevin’s choosing. Imagine Kieren Jack having to come off in the third term only to sit in a soundproof booth placed between the two benches and have Kevin wax lyrical about what the AFL should be doing about kick-ins for three full minutes. Kieren would be an absolute basket case; he’d run out and kick in the wrong direction, tackle Jude Bolton and start to encourage Jeremy Cameron. Yes, that is the confusing power of Sheeds.

Give Ted Richards a microphone

Ted Richards is the funniest person in the AFL, if you don’t believe me, read his blog. There is nothing bad to come from him commentating the game he’s playing in, perhaps we could also get his thoughts on a few topics, the surface of ANZ stadium, parking prices in Sydney, Israel Folau’s foot size, whatever, it will work. I see him chiming into the commentary but eventually dominating to the point where his voice is booming around the ground with his opinions on the colour of football boots nowadays.

Play the game in weird places, with no warning

ANZ is a great ground and I honestly believe that the SCG and Skoda are fighting it out for the best ground in the AFL, there’s not a bad seat in the house and the home team always picks it up for local fans. That notwithstanding, how weird would it be if you were sitting down for a bite to eat at a restaurant and out of nowhere you hear the familiar sound of the siren and then the bounce of a Sherrin. “What’s all this?” you think to yourself, “Is that Jonathan Patton?” your dining companion will ask. “I think it is, why is he wearing footy….” Before you can finish saying that, BANG! Rhys Shaw and Dylan Shiel crash through your table, smashing glasses and sending cutlery flying. It’s then that you realize this is guerilla football and the Swans/Giants clash is happening right here, right now in this Italian restaurant. You scream, but rather than scream in horror or out of fear that Mike Pyke will drag big Jonathan Giles up the ground away from the coffee machine, you find yourself screaming, “ball”. That’s because the guerilla football at 9 o’clock on a Thursday night twelve kilometres away from a football ground works.

Release wild animals on the ground

This has been tried unsuccessfully at the SCG before, but it didn’t work because piglets add nothing to a game. If they’d smuggled a tiger onto the ground then we’d have something to talk about. Imagine it; instead of activating the sub, you activate the wild animal. The pregame would be incredible, Brett Kirk (best dressed man in football) giving the rundown, “GWS have decided to go with a lion for this afternoons match, Kevin Sheedy reckons it will provide a nice fear factor for the Sydney forwards, especially Sam Reid who earlier this week said he’d hate to have his face bitten off by a lion. Big shock for Sydney who will be hoping that the brown snake they plan on letting loose latches on to one of the young guns, like a Greene who would of course have about 8 minutes before he died of severe poisoning.”

These are merely thought starters, if you have your own ideas write a series of threatening letters to your local member, trust me if there’s one thing politicians react to, it’s a crazy person using an antiquated method of communication to complain about something they have no jurisdiction over. I’m not a columnist.

Follow Scott on Twitter: @scottdools

You can join Scott and special guest AFL NSW/ACT General Manager Tom Harley on USTREAM this Thursday at 4:30pm where they will answer your questions about the Swans and GIANTS – http://www.ustream.tv/channel/afl-nsw-act